Starting Over in My 40s: What My Search for Love Taught Me About Creating a Life That Truly Matters to Me

There was a time in my life when I thought I was running out of time.

I was in my mid-thirties, single, and starting to feel the weight of comparison. My friends were getting married. My cousins were posting family photos with their kids. Even my youngest sister settled down.

And then there was me.

I would smile and say I was happy for them — and I truly was — but deep down, I felt left behind. I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have that, too?”

I didn’t want to admit it, but I was desperate.
Desperate to be loved.
Desperate to be chosen.
Desperate to finally feel enough.

The turning point came the day after my sister’s wedding.

Everyone was out — doing their own “family things.” The house was quiet. I was hungover, lonely as hell, and just… empty.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, until boredom pushed me to grab the old iPad lying around the house. I opened the bookshelf app, scrolling aimlessly — until one title caught my eye:
“Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself.”

Out of curiosity, I opened it.

Page after page, I read stories of people who, like me, were struggling to love themselves. People who felt unworthy, invisible, or too broken to be loved.
I don’t know how long I read, but at some point, I started crying.

Some stories hit closer to home than I expected. In every word, I saw a version of myself — lost, longing, and looking for love in all the wrong places.

And then something happened.
I got a small mirror to check how my eyes looked after all those tears, but what I saw in that mirror was a person I failed to love, accept, and appreciate.

I looked at myself in the eyes, and whispered,
“I’m sorry. I didn’t love you enough.”

That moment broke me — and healed me.

I realized that I had been searching for love outside of myself when I should have started with the person I’ll be spending the rest of my life with: me.

From that day forward, my mission changed.
It was no longer to find “the one.”
It was to learn to love, appreciate, and accept myself.

I started meditating every day. I discovered loving-kindness meditations and self-love meditations.

I cried many times while meditating — tears of guilt, release, and awakening.
With every breath, I started to see how wrong I had been about myself.

One day, something incredible happened.

During one meditation, I felt this wave of love — not from someone else, but from within.
I wasn’t just loved… I was love itself.
I felt I was everything, and everything was love.

That experience only happened once, but it changed how I saw everything.

I realized that everything I’d ever wanted — love, acceptance, peace — was already within me.
I just had to learn how to access it.

Over time, the desperation faded.
I stopped needing someone to love me.
I stopped searching.

And then, the miracle happened.

Someone came into my life — someone who reminded me every single day that I am loved, accepted, and appreciated.

Today, I am happily married with two beautiful kids.
My wife tells me she loves me all the time — but what truly makes me smile is knowing that I finally love me, too.

But life has a way of testing what we’ve learned.

Almost a decade later, I find myself in a similar place — not in love this time, but in life.

I have a family, a job, a certain level of stability… and yet, I can’t shake the question:
“Is this all there is?”

I feel this quiet longing for something deeper — a life that feels more meaningful, more authentic, more me.

And just like before, I’ve been trying to find answers outside — in achievements, goals, and validation.
But deep down, I know the truth.
Once again, life is calling me to go within.

Maybe that’s what this is all about — being brought back to the same lessons until we finally master them.

This time, it’s not about finding love.
It’s about finding purpose.
It’s about creating a life that feels true, not one that was programmed by society’s or other people’s expectations.

I like to believe that I am not doing bad in life. There are a lot of things that I am so grateful for.
But I know there’s something more.
Something bigger, deeper, and more fulfilling than just working, building a family, retiring, and calling it a life.

This is my new journey.
My new project.
To design a life that feels authentic — one that comes from the inside out.

If you’ve ever felt like something’s missing — even when everything looks fine on the outside — maybe this story is your reminder too.

The answers you’re looking for are not out there.
They’re within you.

And when you finally stop chasing what’s outside and start nurturing what’s inside, that’s when life begins to unfold in the most magical ways.

✨ If you’re on a similar journey — searching for meaning, peace, or your most authentic self — I invite you to walk with me.
Follow me on social media or subscribe to my email list, and let’s grow through this together — one realization at a time.

Together, let’s learn how to build better lives… from the inside out.